.Anticipation. It's making me wait.
As you probably know (since I've mentioned it, oh ... dozens of times), Sandy and I are eagerly awaiting a new granddaughter. As I write, the due date is just two weeks from now. On top of that, our daughter Deborah seems more than ready.
I saw the director of the local Wesley Foundation at a meeting this week, and I asked him if he's going to be around the next two or three weeks. Who knows. I might be calling him one Saturday night when we are en route to the hospital.
I don't know if I've ever, EVER felt such anticipation.
Whenever I think of the subject (and this dates me, I'm afraid), my mind goes to the old Carly Simon song. It came out when I was a child and I remember hearing it on the radio all the time. Some of the words are:
We can never know about the days to come,
But we think about them anyway.
And I wonder if I'm really with you now
Or just chasing after some finer day.
Anticipation, anticipation is making me wait,
is keeping me waiting.
And tomorrow we might not be together.
I'm no prophet.
Lord, I don't know nature's way,
so I'll try to see into your eyes right now,
And stay right here.
'Cause these are the good old days.
Anticipation is such a complex emotion.
What will our dear baby look like? How pudgy will her cheeks be? What color will her hair be? Will she even have hair? And if she has hair, will she lose it?
It's not just things like that. What kind of person will she be? What type of God-given personality will she have? What gifts and talents will she offer to make the world a better place? What pain and suffering will she know? What will give her joy?
I have so many questions. And alas, there are no answers right now. Regardless of that, it's all capturing my imagination.
I've been thinking about anticipation in the spiritual life. What kind of anticipation are you feeling about life right now? Is it about a family matter, or something at work, or discernment about something related to your future? How do you deal with the anticipation?
My encouragement for you today is just to live in it. Lean into it. These aren't useless questions just because you don't have the answers yet. So much of life is living the questions.
I pray that in your relationship with God, faith might become less about knowing all the answers (which nobody does, especially if they think they do) and more about living the questions. It's really a good place to be.
I believe Christian faith is about beholding mystery and embracing uncertainty. Why else would Jesus boil down faith to the phrase "follow me?" We have no idea where he's going to take us. And it becomes the adventure of a lifetime.
