The Parable of the Marshmallows

Grace is Not “Fair”

I grew up with three brothers.

I once asked my mother, “why didn’t you keep trying until you had a girl?” She responded, “honey, after having four boys, it wasn’t worth the risk.”

I suppose we were a handful. We often called each other “punk.” On long trips, conversation in the back seat might degenerate into accusations like, “Mom, Richey’s on my side!” After all, my little brother’s favorite complaint was, “Mom, Stephen’s aggravatin’ me!”

But like so many other kids, we had one complaint that could be heard again and again: “That’s not fair!”

One particular moment stands out in my memory. I’ve been pondering for years, to the point that I now call it my own personal “Parable of the Marshmallows.”

I was about eight years old and Richey was about four. We lived in the parsonage in Sheffield.

One day, my mom gave us a partial bag of little marshmallows—the kind you put in hot chocolate. I suppose they were about to go bad. So she gave them to me and told me to share them with Richey.

I dutifully ran upstairs and set up my little metal card table, placing two cups at our places. I began counting them out (after all, I was determined to be fair!). I’d count “one for me” and put it in my cup, then “one for you” and put it in his. Then he’d eat it. I’d count “two for me” and place it in mine, then “two for you” and he’d eat them. And so on.

So at the end of this exercise in diligent fairness,  my little brother saw that I had a cup full of marshmallows, and he had none. He cried out, “Mom, Steve is keeping all the marshmallows!”

I was so mad. I explained to her in great detail how I had diligently counted them out, and he had eaten his. But she ended up consoling my little brother in tears with some extra marshmallows she had in the pantry.

I bet you know what I had to say about that.

It. Was. Not. Fair.

Over the years, this memory has become my own personal version of Jesus’ Parable of the Laborers in the Vineyard in Matthew 20.

In the story of Jesus, the landowner hires some workers early in the day and agreed on a day’s wage. Then he went back to the market at 9, at noon, at 3, and even at 5 pm to hire some more. When the early birds saw the latecomers get paid a full day’s wage, their sense of entitlement kicked in. They grumbled when they got the same amount too.

The landowner reminded them they had agreed to the day’s wage, and he had every right to be generous to others. It’s a story about how grace isn’t “fair.” 

Likewise, my eight-year-old self could not see that I had received what was promised in marshmallows. I could have simply been grateful. Instead, I was bothered that my brother received a few more.

And since my mom was dealing with a crying four year old, she had every reason to open that other bag. I couldn’t see it until I was older, but she was such a great mom for doing so. She was a mother of grace.

Whether we are taking about the Parable of the Laborers in the Vineyard, or the Parable of the Marshmallows, that’s the thing about God’s grace. Grace is not “fair.” Grace is free. There’s a difference.

For more of my writing, check out Soul Studio at soulstudioministries.com.

FREE New Confirmation Resource

A NEW CONFIRMATION RESOURCE—and it’s FREE!

Introducing “The Great Tree: A Confirmation Curriculum”

After 36 years as a United Methodist pastor—and walking alongside nearly 500 young people through confirmation—I've written down the curriculum that's been "living in my head" all these years.

The idea behind The Great Tree is simple:  confirmation should be more than a classroom course or a stack of worksheets. It can be an immersive journey—a chance for young people to truly encounter the Christian faith, explore the history of the church, and begin to see their own lives as part of God's great story.

You can download it HERE.

WHY AM I GIVING IT AWAY?

I want The Great Tree in as many hands as possible. The PDF is completely free. If you'd rather purchase a physical copy, a paperback edition is also available on Amazon.

Soul Studio is my new ministry of writing, music, and spiritual formation. If you sign up for the free download, I'll occasionally send along new resources, writing, music, and other things growing out of Soul Studio. And if you decide it's not for you, you can always unsubscribe with a click.

But for now, I hope you'll take a look at The Great Tree—and pass it along to someone who might find it useful.

Steve West

Again, you can download it HERE.

Foreword for My Brother's Book

Before my brother Richmond (with the childhood nickname "Richey") died, he had turned in a final manuscript of his book for editing. In his memory, my family decided to have the book competed.

I wrote this foreword in his memory and was delighted to finish out the book project for him.

If you know anyone who suffers from schizoaffective disorder, this book would be an excellent gift for them. It was written by someone who struggled with the same condition and found a way to live life to its fullest, making peace through his writing.

Here is a copy of the foreword I wrote.

-- 

When I read Richmond’s first book, The Deviants, I was sure it was the wildest thing I had ever read. Yet his subsequent books, Your Yesterday Is My Tomorrow and Witch Hunt, did not fail to take me on voyages through the unconventional. His writing is gripping, if out of the ordinary.

Even as his fourth book, Frozen Ghost, was in the process of publication, Richmond’s life ended too early. He died suddenly of a heart attack after spending the day with family touring the National Memorial for Peace and Justice, informally known as the “Lynching Memorial,” in Montgomery, Alabama. On his very last day, he was longing for justice, something deeply important to him.

My father, my other brothers, and I decided to honor his life and his memory by following through with his plans to have this book published.

I could tell you about Richmond’s relentless love for God, for Christian theology, for world religions, for philosophy, for social justice, and for the Church. I could tell you about his amazing academic accomplishments. But what I really want to tell you is this. He had a brilliant and beautiful mind.

I sometimes say he could waltz into a room and teach a course in world religions that would knock your socks off, but he might not be able to find his own socks.

This is what inspires me the most about his life. The unfolding of his beautiful mind started when he was teaching and involved in his first doctoral program before mom died eighteen years ago. I say that not to call attention to his suffering, oh no. I say that because more than anyone I know, he was an overcomer.

No matter what the obstacles, he was eternally fascinated with theology and philosophy and loved to find hints of it it in movies and fiction. He refused to stop creating. He finished a Ph.D. at Purdue in philosophy and literature, and this was his proudest moment. He simply loved to write.

I once told him his writing “defied genre.” He took that as a huge compliment, which it was meant to be, and had that phrase placed on the back cover of a subsequent book. The threads he could weave between philosophy, comics, vivid memories, fantasy novels, painful past experiences, science fiction, and theology gave me insight into the beauty of his mind. Writing was his way of making sense of things, of finding peace, and of blessing the world.

As I read this book, I muse on his story of the broken mirror, and Richmond saying, “I just looked at it and it broke!” I know that really happened, for I was the brother who teased him about it for years. I ponder the concept of audio pareidolia he mentions, a symptom of his condition I’m sure he was educated about. I remember the conversations we had about the voice of Diana, who sounded much like our mother, speaking to him from across the stars. As always, I find reminders of the intricate way he wove various threads of his life together through writing. It is truly a tapestry.

I have learned more from my brother Richmond than anyone I have ever known about courage, determination, and relentless creativity. I’m delighted that after that long intellectual and philosophical journey of his beautiful mind, he had unwavering faith. In recent years, he loved going to church and being involved in teaching Sunday School, singing in the choir, and ministries of addiction recovery.

He died too early. But my heart is full of gratitude that he died happy, stable, creative, and excited about this book.

Richmond would have been thrilled to know that at his funeral, I would close my brief remarks with the famous quote from Captain Kirk at the funeral of his dear, Vulcan friend Spock. “Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most … human.”

And it was.

Stephen Pierce West

Brother of Richmond Pierce West

YOU MAY FIND THE BOOK "FROZEN GHOST" ON GOODREADS AND AMAZON.

John Archibald’s Recent Column

John Archibald’s recent column rekindles my hope.

It reminds me of an experience I wrote about for the Arab Tribune over a decade ago, after visiting the steps of the Alabama State Capital.

You can read my column in the Arab Tribune HERE.

You can read John Archibald's column in AL.com HERE. 

I was born 4 weeks, to the day, after the March on Montgomery arrived at the capital steps in 1965 to promote the Voting Rights Act (the one that our present-day politicians recently started gutting).

After Obama was elected, and I was filled with such hope, I stood on those steps, right where Jefferson Davis was inaugurated and in view of Dexter Avenue Baptist Church that MLK served. I saw the tree planted from seeds George Wallace sent to the moon. 

Oh, the juxtaposition. I imagined the 1965 march as if I were standing at the crossroads of history. In my one little life, we had gone from the fight for the right to vote unencumbered to a successful Black president.

I have not given up on the hope I felt that day, despite the discouraging white nationalist backlash that has ensued since then in American politics.

I do believe the arc of history bends toward justice, and my own derivative of MLK’s phrase: The arc of Christian history bends toward inclusion.

Practicing the Way Course

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PRACTICING THE WAY COURSE

Dietrich Bonhoeffer on Christian Nationalism

 How relevant for us here. Now.

“It is becoming increasingly clear to me that what we are going to get is a big national church that in its essence can no longer be reconciled with Christianity, and that we must make up our minds to take entirely new paths and follow where they lead. The issue is really Germanism or Christianity, and the sooner the conflict comes out in the open, the better. The greatest danger of all would be in trying to conceal this.”

—Dietrich Bonhoeffer, in a letter to his grandmother in 1933

There’s a Thread

There’s a thread you follow. It goes among

things that change. But it doesn’t change.

People wonder about what you are pursuing.

You have to explain about the thread.

But it is hard for others to see.

While you hold it you can’t get lost.

Tragedies happen; people get hurt

or die; and you suffer and get old.

Nothing you do can stop time’s unfolding.

You don’t ever let go of the thread.

William Stafford

From:  The Way It Is: New and Selected Poems

Copyright ©:  1998, Graywolf Press

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