I rely on a community of fellow travelers shaped by common experience, yet it is a subversive community for it changes all we leave behind when we pursue God together. We encounter resistance and find ordeal in our continual return to the world. For me, the greatest resistance is not without but within, yet I am slowly growing to trust in the "ministry of presence" in the setting I return to. I am becoming the kind of person I long for God's people to become, and not everyone will "get it." That's okay, for this is the nature of encounter with the holy.
I am being made into a subversive, cross-bearing, carrier of the fire, and most of my journey is not living on the mountaintop but in the darkness and ordeal of longing and return. This becomes more mysterious the longer I am on the journey as a wayfaring stranger. This subversiveness is the kingdom of God, and resistance is to be expected. I think something is wrong when it feels dry or dark, but nothing is wrong. So I stand on the threshold again and again, called to hear Christ's voice and follow the hearing, then to return changed from one degree of glory to another.